Thursday, December 23

Miles to Go Before I Sleep

[Miles to Go Before I Sleep]

I wish you a Happy Holiday Season, gentle readers. I shan't be posting much because I'll be away for a bit. I'm doing a Mid-Atlantic/East Coast tour, visiting my mama and some friends. It will be nice to get away.

I'm glad that I'm visiting the mama person first, because (1) I'm starting to feel like I'm getting the flu and (2) most of the clothes I'll be packing are dirty. And, we all know that and nothing says "mama, I love you and I missed you and I still need you" like arriving sick with a pile of laundry asking for chicken soup to be provided and the laundry to be dealt with [yeah, I'll do my own laundry, if she'll let me].

I'm flying out shortly and I am preparing myself for the trauma. You see, I always get searched.

I've never been any trouble [for civic authorities]. I've never dealt drugs or made fake IDs [other than, of course, my own] or done any other particularly interesting illegal thing. I've never even gotten a traffic violation [which, considering that I've been pulled over nine times is quite remarkable].

And, still, I get searched every time I fly.

Somebody rifles through my bags. Somebody tells me stand with my feet at shoulder length with my arms extended. Until today, I was certain that this time somebody would inform me that for security reasons my breasts must be thoroughly checked: I mean there's room for something to be hidden there [and God knows I've stored a mobile phone or a pack of cigarettes or a wad of cash in the bra I was wearing numerous times]. Apparently, there were enough complaints to change that practice [the practice of feeling passengers' breasts, not the practice of my storing various things in my bras].

I don't ever try to carry on my stuff any more. It's easier just to check it. I make sure I have nothing that could be misconstrued as contraband in my purse, including but not limited to hair spray, tweezers, nail clippers, and crochet hooks.

Oh well. I got on a list somewhere somehow.

Before I get publicly debased, I need to finish readying myself and my things. I've been up for 21 hours [and I've got another 7 before I'll be able to nap] so I'm not optimally coherent right now. That means I'll certainly forget something. I have remembered some necessities that won't be available near my mama person's house . . . . notably Vincent Longo gel blush and Starbucks coffee. Hopefully, for whatever else I've forgotten, I'll be able to purchase a reasonable facsimile on the road.

Hugs all around . . . . 

Wednesday, December 22

Social Lubrication and Microspurts of Nausea

[Social Lubrication and Microspurts of Nausea]

Lies are social lubrication. If we didn't say, "what an adorable baby" or "I'm comfortable with the organizational changes" or "I'm certain she'll call" someone might not be able to make it through a moment. But [and this is a big but] our reliance upon them and the cultural acceptance of them bothers me.

There's a new Visa promotion where one can win back the cash from all of one's 2004 purchases. There is a commercial for the promotion where a couple is discussing it. The man describes the promotion to the woman and ends with something like "too bad you didn't make too many purchases." We see her thoughts: all the purchases she's made and hidden throughout the year. I think the ad is supposed to be funny. We are supposed to be endeared to her and sympathetic toward him because of these hidden purchases.

The underlying thought though is that in all relationships, there are things that are hidden and that lies are expected.

This isn't unusual. We euphemize. We hedge. We omit. The new dress is passed off as "this old thing." The date is passed of as a "night with the boys." The candy wrappers are thrown out the car window on the way into the driveway. We lie. We act as if this is the way it's supposed to be.

This irks me [even though, admittedly, I've done it myself].

I've spent several years in relationships [love and friendship] where I encountered material untruths. In the beginning, I didn't know I was being lied to. But, eventually, after years of dealing with extreme exaggerators and artful liars, patterns emerged. Now, I generally know when someone's lying to me. It's no great trick, really. I'll hear something and I'll get an odd feeling like a microspurt of nausea and I'll know that something that was said was untrue. I'm pretty accurate. I rarely am fooled by someone who is lying [although, admittedly, I do occasionally think someone is lying when they're just stressed or confused or inattentive — especially when I'm stressed].

Whatever.

Anyway, what's difficult to know is what someone is lying about. And, because it happens all the time, one would drive oneself nuts trying to figure out the truth in every matter. Although my first impulse when something is particularly blatant would be to say "why are you lying to me and what are you lying about?" I've controlled this reaction for the sake of my own sanity. And so, I regularly make justifications [or, if you prefer, lie to myself] about the importance of other people's lies. If it's someone I either don't know well, or don't care about it matters a whole lot less. It becomes a footnote in the character file. Even with those with whom I deal regularly, I tell myself that most of these untruths can be written off as likely exaggerations or lies of convenience and I just go about my day.

Someone tells a story, and although you feel that there's untruth in it, but you might just assume that in this case untruth = exaggeration because this happens with so many stories. We all do it from time to time. You just go about your day.

You get information at work, and you feel that there's untruth in it, but you assume that in this case untruth = lie of convenience. A cover story was seen as necessary because there are things that cannot be disclosed for some personnel, SEC or other legitimate confidentiality concern. You just go about your day.

Sometimes I wish that we could all just — when we feel that microspurt of nausea — point and loudly declare, "I call bullshit!"

But we can't. We can't because sometimes we would be wrong. We can't because this behavior would be considered anti-social. We can't because we're all [at least occasionally] guilty and we'd be calling one another out all the fucking time.

Sunday, December 19

Security & Sounding Posts

[Security & Sounding Posts]

A bad thing about living alone is that when one feels the least secure or the most apprehensive or the least tethered or the most suspicious or the least able to deal — particularly in the middle of the night — there's no one to talk to about it.

Tuesday, December 14

Deserve

[Deserve]

I made an order for $1034 in chocolate and nuts last week on a day that I realized that my entire outfit [sans boots] was worth $103.40 including $83.41 in undergarments. The chocolate was not, sadly, for me or for any of my friends and family, it was for clients. I'm unsure they deserve any of it.

I have gotten some holiday gifts already from vendors: a case of Chianti [yes, I've shared with the office], some horrible bath salts and oils, a new wine key, a thermos-mug. Not bad so far, considering that I'm unsure I deserve any of it.

I'm unsure I deserved what I suffered on the way to work this morning either: there were two people within earshot listening to Celine Dion. Most versions of hell I envision involve Celine Dion.

Moving on . . . . there have been some interesting tidbits in the news: Time for bed: I at least deserve that.

Sunday, December 12

Today's Spam Poetry

[Today's Spam Poetry]
irradiate syenite aqua smudge abhorrent arianism aerogene fallacious strenuous
birth coin archive demote cloak chunky semiramis soprano transite stress elm
citrate filigree downbeat soulful loom cezanne albacore taoist peanut spatlum
embower dearie dooley manfred
I've been repeating it. It makes me feel kinda secretive and smutty: like I'm summoning the Illuminati or begging guidance from Kallisti.

Back to work. Work work work.

Monday, December 6

Politics & Pursestrings

[Politics & Pursestrings]

We know that elections are bought. We also know that corporations do a lot of the buying. But, we generally don't keep track of who is paying for whom.

By comparing contributions to Republicans and Democrats during the 2004 election cycle — and by altering purchases of products, services and stocks accordingly — we can influence who has more money to blow on the next round.

Buy Blue and Choose The Blue have made it easier for us. It wouldn't be that difficult to spend at:
  • CostCo instead of Sam's Club or Walmart
  • Hyatt instead of Mariott
  • Nordstrom instead of Lord & Taylor, Marshall Fields or Kaufmann's
The most effective tactic would be to change one's shopping habits and to inform the retailers and manufacturers about one's reasons for changing, but, in the short term, we can all start with the shopping. I mean, 'tis the season.

Oh, and speaking of it being the season, consider Hallmark's $195,897 in Republican contributions when buying your cards [why not make them instead . . . . actually, why not make the gifts instead? hmmmmm . . . . that may have to be another post]. And, when shipping, note that your choices are pretty limited.

I do realize that there are corporations that donated blue that may be, for other reasons, politically inappropriate to support. But, I don't have those lists. If you do, let me know.

[Thanks to Eliot for the links]

Saturday, December 4

Week 13 Football Picks

[Week 13 Football Picks]
  • New England over CLEVELAND
  • INDIANAPOLIS over Tennessee
  • ST LOUIS over San Francisco
  • Buffalo over MIAMI
  • NY JETS over Houston
  • BALTIMORE over Cincinnati
  • Minnesota over CHICAGO
  • SEATTLE over Dallas
  • PHILADELPHIA over Green Bay
  • Pittsburgh over JACKSONVILLE
  • SAN DIEGO over Denver
  • Carolina over NEW ORLEANS
  • Kansas City over OAKLAND
  • Atlanta over TAMPA BAY
  • NY Giants over WASHINGTON
  • DETROIT over Arizona
And, yeah. I'll post about something other than football soon.

Sunday, November 28

Week 12 Football Picks

[Week 12 Football Picks]
  • Philadelphia over NY GIANTS
  • PITTSBURGH over Washington
  • KANSAS CITY over San Diego
  • Indianapolis over DETROIT
  • NEW ENGLAND over Baltimore
  • SAN FRANCISCO over Miami
  • ARIZONA over NY Jets
  • ATLANTA over New Orleans
  • Tennessee over HOUSTON
  • DALLAS over Chicago
  • SEATTLE over Buffalo
  • DENVER over Oakland
  • GREEN BAY over St Louis
  • MINNESOTA over Jacksonville
  • Tampa Bay over CAROLINA
  • CINCY over Cleveland
I'm 2-for-2 so far.

Saturday, November 20

What a Week | Week 11 Football Picks

[What a Week | Week 11 Football Picks]

It was a sucky week, really:
  • didn't accomplish much at work except add to my to-do list
  • haven't been sleeping well, and it's affecting both my higher-brain functioning and my mood
  • am thoroughly cash strapped
  • am horny
  • am drowning in ennui
It will be very good for me to get away for a week over Thanksgiving.

Anyway, Football. I'm tryin' this again [thanks Chris, I needed the smack . . . . I'd almost given up]. As usual, in order of preference:
  • San Diego over OAKLAND
  • Denver over NEW ORLEANS
  • Pittsburgh over CINCY
  • BALTIMORE over Dallas
  • TAMPA BAY over San Fran
  • SEATTLE over Miami
  • PHILLY over Washington
  • Green Bay over HOUSTON
  • Indy over CHICAGO
  • MINNESOTA over Detroit
  • NY Jets over CLEVELAND
  • JACKSONVILLE over Tennessee
  • Atlanta over NY GIANTS
  • Arizona over CAROLINA
  • St Louis over BUFFALO
  • KANSAS CITY over New England
One can hope . . . . 

Sunday, November 14

Big Fat Zero

[Big Fat Zero]

I flaked and forgot to make my football picks for week 10. Now, I may be out of the running for the end-of-the-season big prize. That's just so fucking sad.

Friday, November 12

Drink Drank Drunk

[Drink Drank Drunk]

Going out for one drink after work always goes as planned: closing a downtown bar and stumbling in, cursing the aether and mock-repenting over the things one should have done instead. I say as planned because let's go out for one drink has become a politese for let's get completely shitty and rant.

It goes like this:
  • One suggests to a few persons familiar with the process that it seems like a good idea to go out for one drink.

  • Generally, a few people agree that going out for one drink would be a good idea at the end of this long day.

  • Participants pack their bags, including, of course, work they intend to do once they get home after having one drink.

  • Sometime between 5pm and 7pm the participants queue up in the reception area and head out to the bar together.

  • The participants walk to the bar discussing, among other things, the work they intend to do later, after this one drink.

  • Upon arriving at the bar, beverages are ordered and the ranting commences. Four Manhattans [up, extra cherries, extra cherry juice, shot of bitters, shaken until bruised] or Martinis [up, filthy, four blue cheese stuffed olives, vermouth in the glass] or Irish Car Bombs later and the participants are thanking the gods that the bar is closing because each has lost the will to decline anything proffered from the snarky waiter [why yes, you're correct, we would like another! appetizers do sound like a good idea! water? why thank you!].

  • The bar closes.

  • Participants stumble outside and into taxis and head to their homes.
The safety net for this process has been the bar of choice: it closes at 9pm. So, even on the worst of evenings one can make it home before The Daily Show starts, should one be inclined to watch it, and should one not be heaving when it starts.

About once a week, I go out for one drink. Last week, I didn't. This week, on Thursday, I made the suggestion and when I rolled in just before 2am, I was truly shocked. I'm unsure, exactly, how things went awry, but I do know that the glitch happened the final step: instead of heading home in taxis individually, we ended up heading to another bar together in a car.

Monday, November 8

The Pictographic Now

[The Pictographic Now]

10x10 is — especially for those among you who, like me, have attention difficulties — a terrifically satisfying way to browse the news.

[via fimoculous]

What Passes for Presidential

[What Passes for Presidential]

Just a quick QuickTime to start your week.

[via MUFF]

Sunday, November 7

Week 9 Football Picks

[Week 9 Football Picks]

Again I took very little time to make my picks. I looked at who I'd want to win and picked all of those I thought had a chance in hell to make it [again, noting my likes and dislikes]:
  • New England over ST LOUIS
  • Kansas City over TAMPA BAY
  • CAROLINA over Oakland
  • DENVER over Houston
  • BALTIMORE over Cleveland
  • Dallas over CINCINNATI
  • Seattle over SAN FRAN
  • MIAMI over Arizona
  • NY Jets over BUFFALO
  • DETROIT over Washington
  • New Orleans over SAN DIEGO
  • Chicago over NY GIANTS
  • Minnesota over INDY
  • PITTSBURGH over Philly
Maybe it's time to turn on the TV.

The Chosen Path

[The Chosen Path]

This terrifies me:
Men with buzzcuts and clad in their camouflage waved their hands in the air, M-16 assault rifles beside them, and chanted heavy metal-flavoured lyrics in praise of Christ late on Friday in a yellow-brick chapel . . . . 

"Thus David prevailed over the Philistines," the marine said, reading from scripture, and the marines shouted back "Hoorah, King David," using their signature grunt of approval.

The marines drew parallels from the verse with their present situation, where they perceive themselves as warriors fighting barbaric men opposed to all that is good in the world.

"Victory belongs to the Lord," another young marine read.
Ponder this: the people who voted for Bush — the ones who gave provided him the "political capital" he intends to spend — are happy about this and think it's a good thing. It is baffling to me that over 59 million of my fellow Americans are more afraid of homosexuals than they are of engaging in a holy war. They want a holy war. They're fucking praying for a holy war. I am aghast.

Wednesday, November 3

Le Big Sigh

[Le Big Sigh]

The ideal tyranny is that which is ignorantly self-administered by its victims. The most perfect slaves are, therefore, those which blissfully and unawaredly enslave themselves.

— Dresden James


62,400 repetitions make one truth.

— Aldus Huxley in Brave New World


All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression.

— Thomas Jefferson


Every culture gets the magic it deserves.

— Dudley Young in Origins of the Sacred

Monday, November 1

Judging the Judges

[Judging the Judges]

Although I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how to vote, I am morally comfortable with forwarding published recommendations.

I don't have time to research judges' behavior and records on my own, so I tend to take the voting recommendations [those for whom it recommends NOT voting] of the LGBA of Chicago [although I am physiologically mostly straight, I am politically entirely bi].

I got more info this year when the Chicago Reader printed the voting recommendations [see the October 29th issue] of the Chicago Council of Lawyers and the Chicago Bar Association.

Also, NOW has posted judges it recommends voting for in Chicago.

Here we go . . . .

This year, the LGBA of Chicago recommends that we DO NOT vote for:
  • Dorothy F Jones
  • William Maddux
  • Susan Jeanine McDunn
  • William Michael Phelan
Both the CCL and the CBA — like the LGBA — call for ousting Jones and McDunn. In addition, the CCL recommends the OUSTING of:
  • William D O'Neal
  • Melvin J Cole
  • Arnette R Hubbard
  • Leida J Gonzalez Santiago
  • Edna M Turkington
Next are the recommendations of judges TO VOTE FOR . . . .

First, from NOW:
  • Patrick T Murphy
  • Sheryl Ann Pethers
  • Mary Lane Mikva
  • Jeanne R Cleveland Bernstein
  • Michelle Jordan
  • P Michael Kimmel
Finally judges that have been endorsed as APPROPRIATE FOR RETENTION by the bar groups:
  • Mary Jane Wendt Theis
  • Thomas E Hoffman
  • Sheila O'Brien
And now it's time to think of something other than politics.

Sunday, October 31

Week 8 Football Picks

[Week 8 Football Picks]

I managed to make my picks on time, but I didn't think about them very much this week at all. I was too busy to do any research and because of the Halloween Party I couldn't type: I had garishly long nails from Friday afternoon until just a few minutes ago when I hacked off about a half inch. Anyway, here are the picks [noting my likes & dislikes]:
  • PHILLY over Baltimore
  • TENNESSEE over Cincy
  • BUFFALO over Arizona
  • SAN DIEGO over Oakland
  • SEATTLE over Carolina
  • DENVER over Atlanta
  • MINNESOTA over NY Giants
  • HOUSTON over Jacksonville
  • CHICAGO over San Francisco
  • NY JETS over Miami
  • KC over Indianapolis
  • PITTSBURGH over New England
  • Detroit over DALLAS
  • WASHINGTON over Green Bay
I haven't watched any, and honestly, considering what's going in in Minnesota, I'm afraid to turn on the TV . . . . 27-to-0 in the third? WTF?

Thursday, October 28

A Costume for All Hallows Eve's Eve

[A Costume for All Hallows Eve's Eve]

My costume is almost together. For the clothes, I still need a top, but the rest of my person will be suitably covered. I also still need some makeup, but I'll be able to pick that up on Saturday.

My theme is: jail-bait glam metal groupie with a big sister who strips [circa 1987].

Granted, I'm no teenager, so the efficacy of my costume will depend heavily on lighting and the inebriation of those who see me, but, well, it'll be fun to try.

Wednesday, October 27

Violent Thoughts

[Violent Thoughts]

I'm not a violent person, but I do have violent thoughts.

When annoyed, I somewhat regularly envision myself slapping someone across the face, or stomping on someone's toe. And, no, I've not slapped any of these faces or stomped any of those toes [except for a guy who rubbed up against me on the bus . . . . he deserved having my heel on his foot].

My most recent violent thought is much harsher than most. I really think I could enjoy beating Kevin Fox to death slowly over several hours with an aluminum baseball bat. It might also feel good just to talk him into suicide.

There might be quite a market for either of these options: perhaps a social service type of Reality TV? People could pay to do it and the proceeds could be set aside in a counseling fund for his family.

You rape a three-year old girl, your own daughter? Then, you duct tape her mouth, you duct tape her tiny hands behind her back, you put her into the back of your car and you drown her in a creek? I don't think you deserve to exist. I don't think you deserve to have a single moment for the rest of your short life when anyone gives you any indication that you deserve to exist.

Monday, October 25

Move Along - These Aren't the Bras You're Looking For

[Move Along — These Aren't the Bras You're Looking For]

Six out of the last ten searchers that reached this page were looking a "packers cheese bra". When searching for this item, Bulletproof Bra comes up as the #9 link at Google and the #3 link at Yahoo.

Yeah, I saw the game. Yeah, those things looked pretty stupid and would work as a [gag, I hope] gift for a Packers fan.

It should be noted that I am not a Packers fan. My favorite in the NFC North is now and has for some time been the Vikings.

And, since we're on the topic, in the AFC North, it's the Steelers, AFC West, it's the Chiefs, and in the NFC East, it's quickly becoming the Eagles. No, I don't have favorites in the other four, but if I'm wishing for someone to lose, in the AFC East it's the Dolphins, in the AFC South it's the Colts, and in the NFC South it's the Saints. In the NFC West I really don't care.

Sunday, October 24

Becoming Hegemon

[Becoming Hegemon]

Very few of you have been supportive thus far toward my becoming hegemon. These are the only donations:
  • 5 Covnoys of Assassin Sex Droids
  • Anthrax
  • Army of Oral Sex Warriors
  • AIM-9M sidewinders
  • Nuclear bomb
I might be able to do something with all that, but I don't think it's enough to take over the world.

Saturday, October 23

Week 7 Football Picks

[Week 7 Football Picks]

I'm down to 6th [out of 22 active players]. Let's hope I'm more on this week. Again, in order of confidence:
  • NY GIANTS over Detroit
  • St Louis over MIAMI
  • Denver over CINCY
  • INDIANAPOLIS over Jacksonville
  • Philly over CLEVELAND
  • MINNESOTA over Tennessee
  • BALTIMORE over Buffalo
  • San Diego over CAROLINA
  • Seattle over ARIZONA
  • NEW ENGLAND over NY Jets
  • Atlanta over KANSAS CITY
  • GREEN BAY over Dallas
  • Chicago over TAMPA BAY
  • New Orleans over OAKLAND
I hope it doesn't get any worse than the past few weeks.

Friday, October 22

I Heart Jon

[I Jon]

I'd heard about it, but I've not had the time to view it until tonight. If you've not, here's Jon Stewart's Crossfire appearance from last Friday, and the comments he made about it on The Daily Show earlier this week.

Thursday, October 21

[Clicky Clicky]

[Clicky Clicky]

I'm drawn to the TV-B-Gone. I don't watch much TV, and I never turn on the TV just to fill the silence. There are more enjoyable ways for me to fill the silence when I'm so inclined. I'm frequently annoyed by finding myself surrounded by TVs that no one is even watching: useless background noise for those who fear silence or conversation. The idea that I could have some tool developed in some bat-cave that might allow me to make this noise go away wherever I might be is intriguing. I recognize that it might be perceived as anti-social to click off a TV that isn't mine, but sometimes I view those TVs as anti-social devices anyway in that they stunt communication and provide excuses for our not listening to one another or being aware of our surroundings.

Tuesday, October 19

Daily Dose of Silicon

[Daily Dose of Silicon]

I've been trying to remember to take my vitamins. I took them a few minutes ago, and it occurred to me that I really don't know everything that's in them. So I checked. Other than not having a fucking clue what Molybdenum is, I feel rather comfortable with the list.

Then, there are the nutrients that don't have RDAs:
  • Asian Ginseng Root (Korean white) Extract 55 mg (Panax ginseng)
  • Ginkgo Biloba Extract (Ginkgo biloba) (leaf) 60 mg - Standardized to 24% (14.4 mg)
  • Silicon 4 mg
  • Boron 310 mcg
  • Lycopene 300 mcg
  • Lutein 250 mcg
  • Tin 10 mcg
  • Vanadium 10 mcg
  • Nickel 6.5 mcg
Here's where I get really confused. Why do I need Tin and Silicon? Somebody help me out here . . . .

Monday, October 18

Linkishness

[Linkishness]

The Shrub's Rendition of Sunday Bloody Sunday [via]

Anti-Bush Soccer Mom [via]

Baby Doll's Back

[Baby Doll's Back]

My favorite fragrance for some time was Yves Saint Laurent's Baby Doll. It is so yummy: grapefruit, red currant, rhubarb, wild roses, freesia, ginger, cardamom, cinnamon, pomegranate, grenadine, cedarwood, and peach. Woody undertones. Not too flowery. Made me think of sex all the time.

I bought it at Ulta, until they stopped carrying it a few years ago. I might have broken down in the store, but I thought that I could find it somewhere else. I couldn't: Sephora had never carried it, Nordstrom no longer did, same for Marshall Fields.

I tried several fragrances, eventually settling on Fresh's SugarBath Sugar Eau de Parfum.

Now, I like Sugar. It's been okay. But, it's not Baby Doll. And, Baby Doll is back.

Yeah, Baby.

Friday, October 15

Persona Vacation Redux | Early Football

[Persona Vacation Redux | Early Football]

I'm going away for the weekend. It'll be nice to get out of the city.

Because I'm going away, I had to make my football picks earlier than I usually do. I doubt it'll hurt much, I've been making shitty picks so far. My picks for week 6:
  • PHILLY over Carolina
  • Kansas City over JACKSONVILLE
  • DETROIT over Green Bay
  • NY JETS over San Fran
  • ST LOUIS over Tampa Bay
  • ATLANTA over San Diego
  • NEW ENGLAND over Seattle
  • TENNESSEE over Houston
  • Minnesota over NEW ORLEANS
  • Pittsburgh over DALLAS
  • Washington over CHICAGO
  • Denver over OAKLAND
  • Miami over BUFFALO
  • Cincy over CLEVELAND
I'm not gonna say that it can't be worse than last week, because the last time I said that I was really wrong. I am still in fourth place . . . . go figure.

Ciao for now.

Wednesday, October 13

Idealized Sanatorium

[Idealized Sanatorium]

I just got home from a Sparty.

Surreal.

What was so surreal about it? Well, I've been to spas, and I've been to sponsored parties, but never the combination.

We walked in and were asked to fill out forms, were given glossy bags containing robes, slippers and various tchotchkes, and were directed upstairs to a changing area. I stripped, put on my robe and slippers, placed all my belongings into the glossy bag, and traded said bag for a bag-check ticket and a body-massage-group paint chip. We were in the yellow group. We went downstairs.

There were about twenty women and five men clad in white robes and slippers mingling or lounging on white pillow-topped squares. While noshing and drinking we were attended to by white-wearing servers and massagers. Every half-hour chimes would ring and somone would announce which color group should convene upstairs for their massages. K likened it to joining a cult. I thought it was like an idealized sanatorium.

Tuesday, October 12

WMDs for Me

[WMDs for Me]

Let's face it. You are not happy about the global distribution of Weapons of Mass Destruction. I know you have some. You may wish to hide that fact, but, well, I know and you know what's goin' on here, right?

I think you have enough that you could spare some. Accordingly, I am humbly requesting that you donate any and all spare WMDs to me.

Click here to Donate WMDs to Bulletproof Bra
Thank you for your contributions.

Later I shall post the changes I shall institute when I become Hegemon.

Saturday, October 9

Week 5 Football Picks

[Week 5 Football Picks]

Last week was terrible, but at least it wasn't terrible just for me: the only people who did very well in my pool had not done well before. Rules are: no spread, rank by confidence, and worst week is dropped. I'm currently ranked 4th out of 23.

This week's picks:
  • FALCONS over Lions
  • COLTS over Raiders
  • PATRIOTS over Dolphins
  • SEAHAWKS over Rams
  • CHARGERS over Jaguars
  • JETS over Bills
  • COWBOYS over Giants
  • Ravens over REDSKINS
  • PACKERS over Titans
  • TEXANS over Vikings
  • Buccaneers over SAINTS
  • Panthers over BRONCOS
  • 49ERS over Cardinals
  • STEELERS over Browns
We'll see.

Friday, October 8

Godot | Cascando

[Godot | Cascando]

Beckett has come up in conversations recently starting with a comment from a colleague referring to a supposedly impending announcement as "the Godot for which we wait".

It's been years since I read any Beckett. [I started with Waiting for Godot because I was in a production of The Actor's Nightmare in highschool.]

I last read this poem roughly 15 years ago. It is not what I remembered/I am not as I was.
Cascando

1

why not merely the despaired of
occasion of
wordshed

is it not better abort than be barren

the hours after you are gone are so leaden
they will always start dragging too soon
the grapples clawing blindly the bed of want
bringing up the bones the old loves
sockets filled once with eyes like yours
all always is it better too soon than never
the black want splashing their faces
saying again nine days never floated the loved
nor nine months
nor nine lives

2

saying again
if you do not teach me I shall not learn
saying again there is a last
even of last times
last times of begging
last times of loving
of knowing not knowing pretending
a last even of last times of saying
if you do not love me I shall not be loved
if I do not love you I shall not love

the churn of stale words in the heart again
love love love thud of the old plunger
pestling the unalterable
whey of words

terrified again
of not loving
of loving and not you
of being loved and not by you
of knowing not knowing pretending
pretending

I and all the others that will love you
if they love you

3

unless they love you
I must get back to work, for my Godot has arrived and is drawing gawkers. But, if I had my druthers, I'd be lounging on my big comfy couch drinking red wine and noshing on rustic Italian picnic-ish snacky foods whilst someone read poetry aloud for me.

Thursday, October 7

300 Love Letters

[300 Love Letters]

Even though I doubt I'll read them, I kinda like the idea of this.

[Via the sassy, lovely and somewhat snarky Sheri]

Tuesday, October 5

Botox | Broadcast News | Blush | Bras | Boots

[Botox | Broadcast News | Blush | Bras | Boots]

Edwards needs botox. Somebody needs teach Cheney to sit on his suit jacket.

If that didn't make you wish you were high, this might.

If you'd like to try to clear your mind of all that, try this.

Still can't get your mind off politics? Then go ahead and ponder the possibility of a President Schwarzenegger.

Me? I'm done for a few days. I'm gonna direct my attention toward blush, bras and boots.

Sunday, October 3

Quotation Thought Stream

[Quotation Thought Stream]

"Fear not those who argue but those who dodge."
   — Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

"The truth told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent"
   — William Blake

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."
   — Maya Angelou

"[ . . . . ] our lives are mostly a constant evasion of ourselves."
   — T. S. Eliot

"We are only falsehood, duplicity, contradiction; we both conceal and disguise ourselves from ourselves."
   — Blaise Pascal

Week 4 Football Picks

[Week 4 Football Picks]

In order of confidence:
  • Rams over 49ERS
  • Saints over CARDINALS
  • Jets over DOLPHINS
  • Eagles over BEARS
  • PANTHERS over Falcons
  • STEELERS over Bengals
  • Broncos over BUCCANEERS
  • Giants over PACKERS
  • Patriots over BILLS
  • Titans over CHARGERS
  • Redskins over BROWNS
  • TEXANS over Raiders
  • JAGUARS over Colts
  • Chiefs over RAVENS
Can't be much worse than last week.

Tuesday, September 28

Monday, September 27

Memories of my first Boyfriend

[Memories of my first Boyfriend]

Wow, has it been a long time.

Wanna play The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? Did you play the first time?

I did. So did the first boy I ever I "went with" in the 7th grade. Actually, he was in the 8th grade and he was a D&D Dungeon Master. I went to my first dance with him. It would take hypnosis to recover his name, but I can remember him teaching me to roll a character, and I can remember him yelling "you forgot to eat the peanuts!"

I think parts of my path were set right then.

[via Things Magazine]

Saturday, September 25

Beginner Sci-Fi

[Beginner Sci-Fi]

In a conversation earlier today, someone asked whether there were five books that could be recommended as starter sci-fi novels.

That's tricky . . . . when I'm recommending sci-fi it's generally to someone who has already read some.

I came up with this list:
  • The Star Fraction
       — Ken MacLeod
    [because of his cheeky historical threads and his political statements]
  • The Mote in God's Eye
       — Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
    [because they explore — among, obviously, other themes — the effects of a species' physical traits on societal structures]
  • Pattern Recognition
       — William Gibson
    [because of his vision of a possible near future — even though it is considered mainstream fiction and not sci-fi it does deal with VR]
  • Ender's Game
       — Orson Scott Card
    [because of his insights into the flexibility of morality — actually I'd recommend the whole original series for the same reason . . . . however, I would not recommend some of his other books or his non-fiction writings because of some blatant homophobic and misogynistic leanings that I didn't see in this series]
  • Dune
       — Frank Herbert
    [just because]
Now, it's time for ice cream.

Tasty Spicy Foodstuffs

[Tasty Spicy Foodstuffs]

I've been lax about regularly going to the grocer's, and have been ordering in a bit too much. Knowing this, I've tried to stock some easy-to-prepare items, but I've also more realistically budgeted. I can order in three times a week if I don't go out as much for lunch at the office.

Tonight, I wanted Indian food. I really didn't think that Raj Darbar would deliver to my apartment: it's twenty-five blocks away and that's generally out of range for most restaurants. But, I got lucky. I just had saag gosht, lamb biryani, naan and raita. There's enough left over for at least two more meals, so I got my money's worth.

Before I ordered, I found something that amused me on their website. Here's their description of Indian food:
There's something mystical and intrinsic about all Indian food. The reverence and thoughtyfulness with which it is prepared. The exotic blend of herbs and spices, and the intricate preparatory methods, are all intended to let the aromas and flavours sink into the fare and your senses. Not only does the food smell or look gorgeous, it fires your appetite until you and your taste buds succumb to temptation. And the seduction is total! Efforts to resist indulgence often prove futile. But you'll feel no remorse because such sublime experiences are a step closer to spirituality.
I don't think it made me feel quite that good, but it was very tasty.

Teledildonics

[Teledildonics]

Ah, technology.

[Somewhat related: Dog Toy or Marital Aid.]

Friday, September 24

100 Favorite Things

[10099 Favorite Things]

In reverse alphabetical order:
  • working someone else’s knowledgebase
  • working my knowledgebase
  • wordplay
  • woolgathering
  • wonder
  • whimsy
  • well-meant advice
  • water
  • watching movies
  • walking in cool weather
  • thunderstorms
       — especially at night
  • texture
  • taxis
  • sunshine
  • summer rain
  • steak
       — thick filet, pittsburgh rare
  • solitude
  • snuggling
  • silliness
  • short skirts
       — regardless of whether they’re fashionable
  • shopping for products
  • shopping for books
  • shiraz
  • sharing
  • sexy shoes
  • sex
  • seriousness
  • serendipity
  • a sense of the divine
  • self-reflection
  • scrabble
  • righteous anger
  • reassurance
       — giving and receiving
  • reading
  • progress
       — however slow
  • possibility
  • portmanteau words
  • people watching
  • pen and paper
  • pedicures
  • pattern seeking
  • overtipping
       — when I feel it’s appropriate
  • new blank notebooks
       — this may be a “possibility” thing
  • naps
  • matching undergarments
  • long showers
  • logic
  • lip balm
  • lighthearted snarkiness
  • laughter
  • knowing looks among friends
  • kissing
  • intrigue
  • the interweb
  • innuendo
  • hot baths
  • honest compliments
       — giving and receiving
  • holding hands
  • having a neighborhood bar
  • having a clean apartment
       — but not, sadly, cleaning the apartment
  • a good, well-deserved cry
       — but only afterward
  • girl talk
  • giggling
  • getting scrupulously clean
  • friendly gambling
  • freshly painted nails
  • fresh’s sugar face polish
  • fresh snow
  • fragrance
  • flirting
  • flagrant disregard for rules, conventions, mores or stupid warning labels
       — but, not when it’s rude or hurtful
  • finding something nice to say, regardless
  • finding new uses for products
       — are you aware, for example, that most shine serums remove stickers?
  • facial cleansing cloths
  • ennui
  • diners
       — especially at breakfast
  • dessert
  • debate
  • crushes
  • cooking for someone
  • contrast
  • comfy clothes
  • coffee
  • code words and odd language patterns that develop among friends
  • chocolate
       — mostly dark
  • cheese
  • chai
  • bourbon
       — mostly neat, occasionally in a manhattan up with extra cherries, extra cherry juice and a shot of bitters
  • body lotion
  • being scared
       — in the scary movie sense
  • being disarming
  • being disarmed
  • bed
       — comfy and pillow laden
  • baking
       — but only in a month with an “r” in it
  • auxiliary brain space
       — my pda, this blog, notes, other people’s brains
  • appreciating aptitude
  • affection
  • admitting to affectation
  • the accomplishments of friends
It's been over a year since I last posted such a list. When crafting this one, it was really hard for me to avoid looking at the last one.

Okay, now it's your turn.

Thursday, September 23

Another Old Habit — Purse Incognito

[Another Old Habit — Purse Incognito]

A few jobs ago, I noticed that some of my coworkers would regularly walk around carrying redrope folders. Initially, I assumed that they were transporting files to-and-from meetings.

Later, I realized that some of these folders contained general daily use stuff: perhaps a few files, but more likely some mints, building badges, cigarettes, a few dollars for the vending machines [if not the whole wallet], maybe an organizer, a notepad, and a few pens. Basically, the redrope served as a purse incognito whilst one was at work. Although it would look odd to run around an office continually carrying one's purse, briefcase or tote — it might look, in fact, like one was getting ready to head out of the office or had just returned from some non-work-related outside errand — one could easily always have all the stuff one needed tucked into a redrope.

Eventually, I realized that you could even leave the office with your redrope and go to lunch or on a little shopping jaunt without anyone realizing that you weren't working. Even if you were found outside the office it was somehow assumed that you were out because of a work-related task.

Yesterday, when I had quite a bit of running around to do, I found myself packing up a redrope for my day. I'd forgotten how purposeful it appeared to use one.

Tuesday, September 21

Old Habit for a First Read

[Old Habit for a First Read]

A long time ago, when I was more prone to wear gobs of dark lipstick, I would leave lip prints at the corners of books as pagermarkers. It was a habit spawned from laziness: it was easier and quicker to do that than it was to find and relocate a bookmark. It was easy to find the last-read page, and the bookmark was never lost. Obviously, this works only one read-through per book, and only when one regularly wears lipstick. Recently, I've been wearing more lipstick [albeit not gobs of it] and I've found myself falling back into this old habit.

Monday, September 20

Detailing

[Detailing]

From the you-never-know-where-the-line-is-until-you-cross-it department . . . .

My complexion has not been up to my standards, and I've been, well, a bit annoyed with it. The tone is blotchy. I have a few blemishes. It's just off. I've also not been as diligent about taking care of it, so tonight I started. And, well, I got a little too into it.

First, I used Burt's Bees Orange Essence Facial Cleanser, massaging thoroughly, for about 15 minutes, until I could feel grainy dirt particles under my fingertips. I tissued that off and massaged in Neutrogena Clear Pore Cleanser/Mask and allowed that to dry for about 15 minutes. I scrubbed that off with a damp washcloth and immediately applied Bioré Warming Anti-Blackhead Cream Cleanser. I rinsed that off and used a Bioré Ultra Deep Cleansing Nose Strip on my nose and four Bioré Deep Cleansing Face Strips on my forehead, chin and along my jawline. I let those dry for about 15 minutes, then I peeled and rinsed. I then coated my skin with Murad Clarifying Toner. I waited about a half hour before I massaged my face with three scoops of Philosophy Hope And A Prayer Vitamin C Powder that was mixed into about a half teaspoon of Fresh Sugar Face Polish.

It's not like detailing a car: one really shouldn't do all of it at once.

Offering to Kathoga

[Offering to Kathoga]

Today I wish to pledge my undying affection for Wonkette:
Consuming the Next Generation, Round Seven

Offering to Kathoga

Having had his fill of babies, George W. Bush offers up a spare baby to his dark lord: "Receive this baby as yours, Kathoga, that we may have a fruitful harvest."
That is pretty damn funny.

Sunday, September 19

The God Cunt Fuck John

[The God Cunt Fuck John]

Because of Wordcount [mirror] I now know that Crystal is the 4,128th most commonly used word in the English language. Bulletproof is the 79,811th and bra is the 14,084th.

When looking at the About Wordcount page, I found Querycount, which tells us that as of today the top five queries in Wordcount are the, god, cunt, fuck, and john.

I was directed to Wordcount by Jeremy, whose name ranks as the 7,521st most commonly used word.

Saturday, September 18

$ 492.88 Plus International Shipping

[$ 492.88 Plus International Shipping]

Yes, I really, really, really want the Black Ugg Fluff Momma boots. I've been lusting after them. I'd brush them and bathe them and give them a good home. But, if this is the cheapest they can be found, then I'll have to go without.

Fluff Momma

I'm going to the store now to purchase chocolate ice cream. Hopefully, that will make me feel just a teensy bit better.

Friday, September 17

49 Hours

[49 Hours]

This first hand account of a bystander who was arrested in NYC during the RNC is a recommended read.

My Purse is Loaded with Concealed Weapons

[My Purse is Loaded with Concealed Weapons]

I've got the p-500, the djeep/headbanger combo, the pushy, and sometimes, even the trim barrel spring. And, I guarantee that any of those weapons are more dangerous than this one. Dear Sweet Chocolate Jesus, we need to get a fucking grip.

Thursday, September 16

Making a Statement

[Making a Statement]

I've heard and read several fellow Chicagoans wax about voting third party in the upcoming election, all of their musings could be surmised in a single thought: "Kerry will so thoroughly take Cook County that he'll easily take Illinois, so I'll put my vote where it will make a statement."

Is that what you've been thinking? Are you considering making your voice heard by voting for Amondson, Badnarik, Brown, Calero, Cobb, Dodge, Jay, Nader, Parker, Peltier, Peroutka, Templin, or Van Auken?

Well, if you're in Illinois, and you choose to vote for a "third-party" candidate, don't be so sure you'll like the results.

[NOTE: You'd not be able to punch a ballot for most of them in Illinois anyway because only Badnarak and, possibly, Nader will be on the ballot.]

Related: the latest Gallup results show Bush with 52% and Kerry with 45% of likely voters nationwide.

Monday, September 13

Unnecessarily Glib

[Unnecessarily Glib]

Someone just asked how to get over someone.

I glibly responded that you get under somebody else.

Truthfully, I've never really gotten over anyone I've loved.

Places are haunted by memories. I work to cleanse them by having new experiences in them.

So many pet names are tainted. A new voice saying a familiar word in a familiar way can be a disconcerting moodbreaker the first time. It gets easier. I let the discomfort wash over me and let it go. Some pet names [too bizarre to be stated randomly by a new lover] will forever be reserved. And, because we've remained friends they'll occasionally creep out in some drunken long-distance conversation when one of us is excited or flummoxed by something and wants to share.

So much music is associated that for a time I find myself avoiding it entirely, rhythms resemble others, samples infuse.

Someone walks by wearing a fragrance that I can't name but a lover once wore. I remember him brushing my hair. I remember falling asleep on the couch beside him while he read.

In the beginning, such nostalgia can be debilitatingly painful. But, eventually, it is bittersweet. And, later, you can even become nostalgic about those initial sharp pains.

I don't wish to fully get over anything. It is all a part of what life is to me.

Habit becomes Ritual

[Habit becomes Ritual]

Throughout most of last winter and last spring, my schedule held some regularity. I had a regular Monday night thing, a regular Tuesday night thing, a regular Saturday night thing. A regular Sunday morning thing. And so on.

The regular Monday night thing was visiting Boulevard Café on my way home from work. I'd have a bourbon or two and a decaf or two whilst chatting with Joey and Shar-MEE-ahn [a name I couldn't possibly spell correctly no matter how many times I try] and I'd either eat there or get food to go.

I had a largely unproductive [as far as my personal to-do list is concerned] but incredibly helpful [as far as others to-do lists are concerned] day at work today. I got a present from my boss [club box Cubs tickets]. I left on time.

And, without thinking about it, I found myself walking toward the Boulevard Café on my way home.

I hadn't been there since May, but my beverages of choice were remembered and I was filled in on happenings I'd missed.

More than the news, what I'd really missed was the rhythm of my week. I realized that I've been partly out of sorts because I hadn't been maintaining some of my habits. These scheduled events parsed my life in a way that I found comforting, and over the summer, I lost some of that rhythm.

When I was younger, I would have found this want for a set schedule disconcerting — forcing when not feeling an air of unpredictability. Now, although serendipity is refreshing and welcome on occasion, predictability is comforting.

Strangely, though, now I find admitting this disconcerting.

There are some games one can't win.

Sunday, September 12

Starting the Week Off Right

[Starting the Week Off Right]

The laundry service failed to fold any of my pants on the crease again, and considering that I don't even own an iron, they're all going to be screwed up unless I take them in to be ironed. The straightening iron I use for my hair has worked before in a pinch, but I'm thinking that it might be a little extreme to crease 6 pairs of pants with it.

I spent my morning at the office: 3.5 hours there and 45 minutes each way for the commute.

The food I ordered for dinner didn't arrive: the order taker sent the driver to a street 44 blocks west of my street which is particularly fascinating considering that I spelled the street name for her. The bonus was that the driver called me to tell me that he couldn't find the number, so I got dressed, went outside and stood on the street arguing with him on the phone about the fact that we both claimed to be standing in front of my building.

I can't win the football pool for the week: 16 points on Baltimore did me in.

I'm out of wine.

Thursday, September 9

That Beautiful Sack

[That Beautiful Sack]

Did you see that? Did you? When Willie McGinest sacked that punk-ass Colt? That was the happiest I've been all damn day.

$10 002 272 in 47 days 8 hours 9 minutes

[$10 002 272 in 47 days, 8 hours, 9 minutes]

If real money was this easy . . . .

Signifying Nothing

[Signifying Nothing]

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

 — Macbeth [V, v, 19]

Alas, so it goes.

Wednesday, September 8

Football & Football Weather

[Football & Football Weather]

It felt like football weather today. I needed a jacket, and I would have been more comfortable in tights and boots than with bare legs in strappy shoes.

It's fitting that the first day the weather made me think of football was also the day that the first football picks were due. Tomorrow is opening day, after all. I took, in order of preference:
  • the Ravens over the BROWNS
  • the EAGLES over the Giants
  • the Seahawks over the SAINTS
  • the Titans over the DOLPHINS
  • the RAMS over the Cardinals
  • the Falcons over the 49ERS
  • the TEXANS over the Chargers
  • the PANTHERS over the Packers
  • the STEELERS over the Raiders
  • the JETS over the Bengals
  • the VIKINGS over the Cowboys
  • the Lions over the BEARS
  • the Jaguars over the BILLS
  • the PATRIOTS over the Colts
  • the Chiefs over the BRONCOS
  • the Buccaneers over the REDSKINS
Wish me luck. Or, tell me how stupid I was to take Kansas City over Denver. Whichever.

Friday, September 3

What Has Been Said

[What Has Been Said]

A chart from the NY Times on words used during both conventions.

The quote for the day:
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public."

— Theodore Roosevelt in 1918

A quote from the Supreme Court Decision that was censored [but, latered allowed] by the Justice Department in a filing by the ACLU regarding the Patriot Act [via]:
"The danger to political dissent is acute where the Government attempts to act under so vague a concept as the power to protect 'domestic security.' Given the difficulty of defining the domestic security interest, the danger of abuse in acting to protect that interest becomes apparent."
The Top 100 American Speeches list according to American Rhetoric.

That's it for tonight. Off to bed.

Thursday, September 2

Teh Funny

[Teh Funny]

I forgot how utterly fucking funny Graham Norton can be . . . . this should be a regular Thursday night thing.

Monday, August 30

Rex is Back

[Rex is Back]

Fimoculous is back up after Rex had spent many months working on the Olympics website for NBC. I'm glad. He was missed.

Not a Gamer

[Not a Gamer]

But, I want an Alienware Notebook anyway. Functional but whimsical toys and tools attract my attention every time.

[via Wired]

Sunday, August 29

Too Much of a Good Thing

[Too Much of a Good Thing]

I generally don't have a problem with absent-minded noshing, largely because I rarely put out large quantities of anything. Early this evening, however, I sliced a pineapple and put it into a bowl.

tasty pineapple

It was quite tasty, and before I realized it, over the course of about three hours, I'd eaten three-quarters of it. Now, I-don-feel-so-good.

Friday, August 27

Descriptiveness

[Descriptiveness]

The descriptions in Wine Enthusiast never fail to amuse me. I was reading the May 2004 issue when I came across this:
Initially smells of black peppercorn and oak resin; more time shows baked banana, bacon fat, dried sage, dried thyme, brown rice and broccoli. Entry has a bean-like quality; midpalate flavors include sweet, wood-influenced tastes of honey, milk chocolate, cream sherry and vanilla cake frosting. Ends wrapped in smoky vanilla and cocoa.
No, gentle reader, it's not a wine. It's a tequila. It is, in fact Cabo Wabo Anejo. To repeat: the paragraph above describes a tequila.

Bacon fat? Broccoli? Vanilla cake frosting? Really, now.

I don't know about you, but, for me tequila only gets so good. And, even at its best, it's still tequila. I once had a pricey snifter of El Tesoro Paradiso that, according to my tipsy and amusingly boastful host, had been crafted from cacti raised by a hidden sect of Incan mystics and water melted from an undisturbed-for-millennia Antarctic ice chunk, prepared according to dictates of the Mayan calendar, aged in the Amontillado cask, and brought north by a Patagonian penguin-herder to San Francisco for my very personal sipping enjoyment.

Did I enjoy it? Well, sort of, but I was glad I didn't pay for it. And, regardless, for me, tequila should be salt, lick, slam, chomp lime if I do it at all.

Thursday, August 26

Trick & Treat

[Trick & Treat]

I got my drugstore.com order today. Fresh has changed their packaging for the Sugar Eau de Parfum. It no longer comes with a separate screw top. And, it's smaller. It's 0.4 ounces smaller at the same price. That's a $5.04 per ounce increase.

I also got a little "thank you" bouquet of daisies and wildflowers today. 'Twas very sweet, and very unexpected.

Monday, August 23

Angst

[Angst]

I'm not going to get out of this office for hours.

I'm out of cigarettes.

If I don't pull off a minor miracle, I may need to plan a meeting in NYC next week. Yes, gentle reader, the RNC is next week. That, in and of itself, is cause to ponder whether the real choice of the day should be homicide or suicide. Take that any way you wish.

I'm so tense, various body parts are intermittently becoming numb.

My tub suddenly stopped up last night and my landlady can't get someone over to fix it until Wednesday. I can't take a fucking shower at my apartment until Wednesday. On a possibly positive note, perhaps this is the impetus I needed to get my ass to the gym.

Also, I'm way tanked on coffee. Which is necessary considering that I got three hours of sleep last night.

/ whiny rant

Sunday, August 22

Panacea

[Panacea]

Old and busted? Smith's Rosebud Salve.

New hotness? Boudreaux's Butt Paste.

Smitten

[Smitten]

I have a huge geeky crush on The Source. I don't even care whether he/she/e/ey/sie/it is an individual or a collective.

Ninety-Two Pounds

[Ninety-Two Pounds]

John, my laundry guy, just picked up my order. It was the largest one I can remember: four bags totaling ninety-two pounds. He'll deliver it this evening and he gave me a discount for being a loyal customer. I don't even like to think about what a hassle it would have been to struggle down four flights of stairs with all that stuff, walk it over three blocks, wash and fold it myself, and haul it back. That would be almost as traumatic as moving.

Daily Distractions

[Daily Distractions]

I really need to get to work. I also really need to clean my apartment. But, there are disctractions, including:Time to scrub the bathroom floor.

Saturday, August 21

Encoding Colorless Language in Music

[Encoding Colorless Language in Music]

More on the Pirahã.

They have a truly complex and layered communication system that "uses five discourse channels; information may be spoken (the default), whistled, hummed, yelled or encoded in music. Whistled languages are rare, making Pirahã an interesting study in the strength of tone and stress in communication".

Their language can be whistled or encoded in music. That's pretty amazing.

The paper that spawned all this discourse is here. Some of the other interesting points about the Pirahã from that paper:
  • they've no creation myths or fiction
  • they've no terms for colors
  • they've neither collective nor individual memory of more than two generations past
  • they've no drawing or other art
That's too much to think about this evening.

Off to bed.

Friday, August 20

Today's Lunch

[Today's Lunch]

A mediocre folkish rock band butchers G&R's Sweet Child of Mine.

A blonde chick with fake tits sports a FUBU t-shirt with a Gap denim skirt.

A cute boy reeking of hipster smiles and waves making me feel like I should recognize him — but I do not.

It feels like football weather but doesn't smell like it.

Today's running thought has been that the choice to not act is an active choice itself and is equally wrought with consequences.

There's a little bottle of Cool Mint Listerine in my purse that reminds me of a similar bottle of long ago filled with tinted G.

The chai is too sweet.

Thursday, August 19

Next Blog

[Next Blog]

Because of the new blogger tool bar you see at the top of this page and its convenient little next blog button, I've seen more random blogs recently than I'm generally prone to visit:Off to bed.

Shattered Illusions

[Shattered Illusions]

For a few days I was amused with my [subtly forced] delusion that Retro and Metro were new sub-lines for Perry Ellis America.

Wednesday, August 18

Custom.DIC

[Custom.DIC]
  • ain't
  • Bijin
  • blockquote
  • blog
  • blogspot
  • BoingBoing
  • bra
  • bulletproof
  • bulletproofbra
  • carb
  • carbs
  • chai
  • coco
  • cocosmusings
  • comcast
  • cyborg
  • drixoral
  • dunno
  • followup
  • formuites
  • fornicatorium
  • glammed
  • gmail
  • godiva
  • Google
  • Google's
  • gotta
  • harddrive
  • highschool
  • hon
  • href
  • huna
  • hungover
  • hyperfiction
  • iPAQ
  • jicima
  • kaballah
  • kinda
  • komenuka
  • linkylinks
  • luvuladybye
  • majeure
  • microfiber
  • nonmonogamous
  • nonmonogamy
  • percheron
  • Pigface's
  • sephora
  • skeevy
  • smoochysmooch
  • snarky
  • southpark
  • splenda
  • spyware
  • stepmom
  • strappy
  • tanga
  • tchotchkes
  • telecopier
  • thingie
  • tinyurl
  • twentysomethings
  • um'k
  • unamused
  • underinformed
  • underwire
  • urggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa
  • urgh
  • wacker
  • wanna
  • wifebeater
  • ya
Now your turn! M'kay? M'kay.

[Yes, the list was edited . . . . most names were removed.]

Tuesday, August 17

Longshoreman Fluency

[Longshoreman Fluency]

I've been wondering about the amount of profanity I've used while posting here. So, I decided to research a little:
  • 8.54 percent of posts include some variation of fuck
  • 2.74 percent of posts include some variation of shit
  • 1.52 percent of posts include some variation of piss
  • and, 0.61 percent of posts include cunt
Most of my posts seem free of these words — granted, there are undoubtedly offensive words I'm missing in my little tally. Regardless, although I'm certain that because of combinations the percentage is likely higher, this means that the smallest percentage of posts having none of these words would be 80.71. I'm not yet sure how I feel about this.

Monday, August 16

Farking Benefactor

[Farking Benefactor]

As a new feature at Fark, at the The TotalFark Signup Page you can [in addition, of course to purchasing a subscription for someone else] purchase a subscription for a fellow Farker. The mysterious but obviously generous rawsta sponsored me within five minutes of my posting a query about whether anyone was feeling generous this evening.

I am verklempt.

Sunday, August 15

Product Junkie Thought Stream

[Product Junkie Thought Stream]

I was just putting an order together at drugstore.com because I'm almost out of Fresh's Sugar Eau de Parfum, and that can't happen. [Shopping at drugstore.com is less dangerous than going to the Sephora where I can't walk out under three-digits even if I go in for a nail file.] There was a special if you also purchased Fresh's Roll-On Sugar Deodorant Antiperspirant ["which utilizes real sugar to inhibit odor-causing bacteria and deliver unsurpassed dryness"].

Dear God, I am such a fucking junkie.

Anyway, when I clicked on the aforementioned deodorant at drugstore.com, there was a "May we suggest" section that featured Body Mint the "total body deodorant with chlorophyllin". It's a pill. You take it twice a day. This sounds odd to me and I'm not sure whether this is a good idea or a bad idea yet. I only know that it's on special and that there's a page and a half of glowing reviews.

And, no, gentle reader, I'm not a stinky person without all this stuff. I'm just a product junkie. And, purchasing is cheaper than therapy.

Pot vs Pollutants

[Pot vs Pollutants]

What's your brain on?

Saturday, August 14

Stuff Transport

[Stuff Transport]

I carry a lot of stuff. I always have. I try to carry cute little purses, but they end up being over-stuffed and dangerously disorganized. I've been using this as a daily tote for a while now, but it's really lost its charm. I've been thinking about getting a Timbuk2 bag for a while, but there are too many choices. Should I go for something like this or something like this? And, regardless, after I'd gotten one, how quickly would I become disenchanted with its sporty style?

Speedo Sports Water

[Speedo Sports Water]

This is a poorly conceived beverage concept. At no time had I ever wanted to consider Speedos associated with beverages. Speedo Sports Water sounds like the rinse water from a Speedo. Like anyone would realy want to drink that. Uck.

Friday, August 13

Military Health Care Perquisites & Limitations

[Military Health Care Perquisites & Limitations]

Mull this over for a few minutes. I live in a country where "[e]ven in cases of rape and incest, military health insurance doesn't cover [abortion], which costs from $325 to $650 in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy" . . . . but . . . . "members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free".

I realize that doctors need to maintain certifications, and that they need to have logged certain levels of surgery types in order to qualify, and that this seems to be the government's argument about the latter . . . . but in light of the former that argument looks ridiculous. If a woman who is raped must pay for the cost of an abortion, then a woman who wants fake tits sure as hell should have to pay for those.

Monday, August 9

Playing Catch-Up

[Playing Catch-Up]

Tomorrow and Wednesday, I'll be playing catch-up at work, so tonight I tried to catch up on some reading. Noted:That's all for tonight. I'm off to bed.

Cowgirls & Mutton Bustin'

[Cowgirls & Mutton Bustin']

Keely and I got home late last night from a trip to the Rodeo. I had a meeting in Kansas City last Thursday, and she drove there from Chicago to pick me up. From there, we drove to Phillipsburg. We arrived too late for the Thursday night festivities, but went on Friday and Saturday. Having chute seats, we were a little too close to the action at times.

We made the drive back in thirteen hours, which was fabulous time considering that we took several breaks.

The most intriguing thing for me was the mutton bustin' where — I shit you not — children over three-years old and under fifty pounds are placed atop a sheep and are supposed to hang on whilst the damn thing runs toward the flock. Most of them fall off just out of the gate. A few hang on for ten-or-so yards. Many of them are trampled when they disengage. Only about a quarter of them were crying uncontrollably at the end, and half of those weren't the ones who had been trampled. One little girl who couldn't have been older than four hung on all the way across the field and giggled when she got up. I was amazed. At four, I would have gotten pissy if I'd gotten my little cowgirl outfit dirty.

[pissy little cowgirl]

Yes, gentle reader, that is me at four getting pissy about something whilst wearing a little cowgirl outfit.

Now that I've been to a [somewhat small] rodeo, I'm thinkin' it would be a fine idea to hit the Calgary Stampede in 2005.

Sunday, August 1

Word Wars 2004

[Word Wars 2004]

They're at it again. You can follow the players from the movie at this year's tournament here:The tournament goes through August 5.

Project for the New American Century

[Project for the New American Century]

I didn't realize that there was a website. Complete with the signatories. I don't want this website to be real. I don't want their smarmy pride pulsating through the universe. It's things like this that make the baby Jesus cry.

Saturday, July 31

Logophilic Maledicta

[Logophilic Maledicta | Cult Recruitment]

I went to see Word Wars with J this afternoon. I giggled. I gesticulated. I guffawed. One of the characters, er, uh, I mean players, Matt, mentioned The International Journal of Verbal Aggression. I had been woefully underinformed. Nobody told me. I have since learned that Maledicta Volume 1: the Journal of Verbal Aggression was produced in 1977, and that Volume 13 is due out this summer and may have already been released.

Just after the movie, in the ladies' room, I was cornered by an innocuous-looking member of some subversive Scrabble cult. She wished to know the composition of the groups in which I play. Would I, perhaps, play "at the club" in Deerfield? She seemed terribly deflated when I told her that I play only with a few friends and that I prefer [yes, gentle reader, I did go there] to play Boggle.

Imaginary Friends

[Imaginary Friends]

I might need a friend like this:
Fofolokkins always brings you cigarettes and hamburgers when you're broke. You can trust Fofolokkins with your spare key . . . . She'll also help you carry your laundry, groceries, porn, makeup, whips, etc.
Now, that's a friend.

[Thanks to J.]

Through the Spasmodica site, I found the Rotofugi Designer Toy Store & Gallery, which is featuring The Monkey Show during August. I like the monkeys. I especially like this one.

Brand Awareness

[Brand Awareness]

The Invent Blog calls us [okay, perhaps not us — I am not, after all a trademark attorney] out on our logo knowledge by playing Retail Alphabet Game. I accepted the challenge.

On test #3. I got B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, L, M, N, P, Q, T, and X on the first try. A, S and U look really familiar, but I can't quite place them. I have no recollection of the other eight.

On test #4, I could only guess C, G, H, S, T, V and Z.

I haven't gotten around to taking test #1 or test #2 yet, but I'm certain I won't be able to resist forever.

Thursday, July 29

Just Military Action

[Just Military Action]

I am not an isolationist. I've been called one, and there certainly have been times when my gut-level reaction is that the United States should stay the fuck out of some other country's business. IMHO, this is not one of those times. For the sake of all humanity, the atrocity of genocide cannot be allowed to recur. With so much press about the DNC, one sees very little else right now. Still, some who have not forgotten the reality of genocide are asking us to take notice.

The Real Action in Boston

[The Real Action in BostonPerhaps NSFW]

At least for all of those who are unable to sneak in to the big room or the better parties. [Into the big room, how? I dunno. But, there have to be more people in the big room than there are legitimate delegates and reporters, unless the reporters are outnumbering the delegates by 10-1.]

Tuesday, July 27

Caged Freedom

[Caged Freedom]
"Last night, I had my first direct experience with the so-called free speech zone. It left me with one conclusion: whatever you do, do NOT go inside. It’s not only a blatant offense to free speech, but also highly dangerous and unsafe. I would suggest protesting anywhere in Boston but inside of it.

"No amount of hyperbole can accurately describe how disastrous the interior actually is. It’s like a scene from some post-apocalyptic movie – a futuristic, industrial detention area from a Mad Max film. You are surrounded on all sides by concrete blocks and steel fencing, with razor wire lining the perimeter. Then, there is a giant black net over the entire space.

"That’s not even the worst part. 80% of the space is actually beneath a construction site. You heard me, most of the zone is actually under a partially constructed building, broken up by gates, iron girders and wooden rafters, in the darkness.

"No helicopter will ever be able to see an aerial shot of the people assembled, negating the major points of mass protest: to let the rest of the public see your numbers. This forced 'invisibility' is so painfully obvious, that it is hard to believe it resulted from pure negligence. What's more, the space fits only 1000 maximum by law, so the 1001st person who wants to express their rights, is shit out of luck."
I keep feeling the need to read Jefferson. Sadly, I've no longer any books. [Where do such things go? Anyone have a Notes on the State of Virginia they'd like to lend me? Actually, I can most likely just download it. I digress . . . . ] In that piece, Jefferson wrote:
"[I]s the spirit of the people an infallible, a permanent reliance? Is government? Is this the kind of protection we receive in return for the rights we give up? Besides, the spirit of the times may alter, will alter. Our rulers will become corrupt, our people careless. A single zealot may commence persecutor, and better men be his victims .nbsp;. . . [The people] will be forgotten, therefore, and their rights disregarded. They will forget themselves, but in the sole faculty of making money, and will never think of uniting to effect a due respect for their rights."
This country so needs an enema.

[Via American Samizdat]

Sunday, July 25

Privé Formule aux Herbes - No Substitutions

[No Substitutions]

There are some products for which there are no suitable substitutes. I don't hold many strict brand loyalties [although I do have many preferences]. For the most part, I'll try anything.

There are, however, some items for which there I won't consider a substitute. I wouldn't occur to me to purchase a baking soda other than Arm & Hammer. There isn't an exfoliant out there that I like better than Fresh's Sugar Face Polish, and I've tried more than I care to count. I can't name an aluminum foil other than Reynolds Wrap. My razor is a Venus [although this one is subject to change, I was a dedicated Mach3 user for some time].

It's difficult when I become attached to a product and I can no longer find it easily.

That happened about a year and a half ago with Privé Formule aux Herbes melange #46: pommade du modelage. It was simply the best sculpting pomade for me. The fragrance was dreamy. The texture was perfect. It rinsed out easily.

Then, one very sad day — the day after I'd scraped the very last of it out of the jar — I discovered upon checking out at the salon that they had stopped carrying the line. I tried to be chipper about it, attempting to view it as an opportunity to try new products, and I immediately began searching for substitutes [I think I bought two right then at the salon]. One would think that there would be some product out there that would be similar enough for me to like it. Sadly, that was not the case. I tried about one a month since I ran out.

Today, on the way into the hair salon to get my hair cut into a sassy little pixie, I saw the Privé Formule aux Herbes wall display. On the third shelf was my beloved melange #46: pommade du modelage.

I am elated.

Anthropomorphish Design

[Anthropomorphish Design]

I saw the best minds of my generation working on idiotic ideas like this car concept.

[note: you may use username bulletproofbra password crystal at the NY Times website]

Saturday, July 24

Alternative Transportation

[Alternative Transportation]

Instead of taking a bus to the train after work on Friday night, I traveled by rickshaw. Yes, rickshaw. In Chicago. Previous to this, I'd not been aware that there was such a service in the Windy City. I had walked out of the office building, and there was a guy standing there on the sidewalk next to his rickshaw. I think what I said was, "A rickshaw. In Chicago. Really." To which he responded, "Yup." I asked where he could take me, and he told me he'd take me anywhere I wanted, although I imagine there would have actually been some limitations to that offer. I had him take me to the train station at Halsted & Milwaukee. His name is Paul, and he's really sweet. Should you require a rickshaw for some reason, contact Roger Rickshaw [773 / 620 - 7921] and ask for him.

While I was being hauled by bike along my route I recalled a story from the somewhat distant past. A long lost friend named Melanie was out drinking in San Diego [more than a couple o' years ago when we were both students at WVU] and she found a rickshaw driver who was willing to take her to her destination. When she arrived, however, she realized that she had lost all of her cash somewhere. So, Melanie offered to blow him for the ride. He accepted this as fair trade, and offered to take her anywhere she wished throughout the rest of her stay.

No, gentle reader, I did not make any such arrangement. I paid cash.