Thursday, January 13

Prerequisite | Perquisite

[Prerequisite | Perquisite]

For various reasons — including but not limited to some rather pointed questions — I've been pondering what makes people sexually compatible.

I've glibly stated that when it comes to sexual compatibility a big cock is a prerequisite and not a perquisite [I heard something similar once, I forget where, about a big diversified portfolio]. But, and this is a really big but, that's not entirely true. And, even if were true — for me or for the portfolio seeker — it couldn't be the biggest prerequisite.

Let's back up a bit . . . . 

The things that make two individuals sexually attractive to one another are not necessarily the same things that will make those people sexually compatible, and it takes a bit of trial and error to figure that out.

Many people aren't honest with themselves about their preferred attributes and they go about seeking the supposed preferred attributes of their peers [or the prime preferred attributes featured in the media].

Although new-crush lust can carry almost any pairing through an initial [and, perhaps, more than a few subsequent] interactions, once these individuals are adjusted to the pheromone levels and the endorphins wear off, the presence or lack of each one's preferences will become an issue.

The things that will make two individuals sexually compatible with one another are not all — particularly one's not-publicly visible grooming preferences and body particularites and one's predilections — ascertainable through non-sexual interactions. It is difficult, for example, to ascertain the trim of a chick's bikini line or whether her breasts are natural, or the size of a guy's cock, just by looking at them. It's even more difficult to ascertain the predilections of an individual without point-blank questioning that would — in many if not most cases, especially if this happens quite early in a pair's interactions — be met with either answers that are crafted for the questioner [if not outright lies] or with silence and offence.

Even if predilections are aligned, there are the issues of timing and frequency. Let's say that a couple agrees on their like or dislike of a whole list of practices: positions, locations, bondage, use of toys, oral sex, anal sex, etcetera. If one person wants something on this list occasionally, and the other one wants it every night and three times on Saturday, there will undoubtedly be issues. If one person likes to fuck in the morning, and the other one hates it, there will be issues. If one person needs to relax before having sex and the other one likes to have sex to become relaxed, there may be issues.

[I hear some of you thinking aloud, gentle readers, that compromises can be made. I don't think so. This may be the type of situation where compromise means that nobody gets what they really want.]

Even if all that appears to be aligned, no matter how prepared one believes one is, no matter how well one has gotten one's hopes up, and even if everything else works out — all of the other things that would make a couple good friends and partners outside of the bed, perhaps including but not limited to being in love — sometimes, it still just doesn't work out. Why? Because of the presence or lack of some undefinable prerequisite. The biggest prerequisite.

Without knowing what that is, I don't know how one can determine whether one will be sexually compatible with another person in the long run without just trying . . . . and running the risk of being befuddled and disappointed.