Monday, January 10



There are questions one cannot answer truthfully:
  • Isn't that the most beautiful wedding gown you've ever seen?
    Uh, no, it's garish.

  • Isn't that the best spaghetti sauce?
    Uh, isn't that tomato soup?

  • Don't you just love the way he's decorated?
    Uh, no, it looks like somebody barfed sunflowers.

  • Isn't that pretty?
    Uh, are you smoking crack?

  • Isn't she the most beautiful baby you've ever laid eyes on?
    Uh, no, well, maybe except for that gigantic flat spot on the side of her head.

  • Isn't he just the sweetest?
    Uh, he's an ass, he's always been an ass, and he talks about the size of your ass when you're not around.
I realize that there are times when these questions are asked sarcastically, with tongue planted firmly in cheek and with the expectation that the respondent will banter in kind. I get that.

What I don't understand is anyone would ask these questions guilelessly: why do you ask a question that will force the responder to lie? Is your need for praise so extreme that you don't care whether the praise is honest?

False compliments disgust me. And the people who seek them? I used to think they deserved our pity. Now, I'm beginning to think they just deserve our honesty.